“Change is messy. It’s angry. It’s uncomfortable. It’s full of angry people saying angry things, because they’ve been disrespected and forgotten again and again and again and again, and they’re tired of being fucking nice because it makes you uncomfortable if they act in any way that is not deferential or subservient to you and your worldview.”
I feel this quite a bit. More often lately than previously. But I’d also like to draw a distinction between being civil and being nice. I want to remain both. But if I must choose, I’d rather be civil.
Don’t even try to take away my rage by playing up my other emotions, like guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I am enraged, not just because I’ve been repeatedly dissed. I have it because my basic humanity is too-often denied for the convenience and comfort of those with more power than me. Taking my rage away just stresses my continuing dehumanization. I have good reasons to be this upset and angry. So don’t even try to placate me. Just because I have these fires in my chest, it doesn’t mean that I don’t see the value and desirability of “letting it all go,” seeking hope and positivity. Rage fuels and motivates me. It sparks the embers in my belly and keeps me moving forward. I so wish my fuel was something else entirely, but I am a product of my environment, after all. I hold my rage and hope in constant tension.
I also want to work for peace, harmony, and healing. But not at the expense of the dignity I deserve as a human being. And since my human dignity should not impede another’s, I really fail to see the problem…more on this later…